Progress Report

Last week, I got my parents help for a few days but they were pushed real hard and I got few up by it by Thursday. I told a few people about Searchlight and they got taken away from me and a gay handler was put in place again. Another of the same type: willing to push the button casually for a few days. Told people about it on Friday and then got through Saturday. On Sunday the torture device was significantly turned up so bad so that I was forced awake for 37 hours, I just woke up. The guys really pushed the handler who seems like a decent guy but they must have really pushed him hard. (not code not doing that). By the end of those 37 hours I was getting hurt for just about any action, many not even code-related.

I use earphones and play white noise all the time to help sooth my ears. On Sunday the instructors told the handler to attack me frequently and repetitively whenever I put these on. Whenever I had the earphones on it would be “thunk… thunk…. thunk” on the eardrums.

I think the handler is less frazzled now been trying to talk him down. Haven’t told anyone about Searchlight yet this week. This guy doesn’t actually seem interested in becoming disassociated.

Woke up this morning and my ears were ringing real bad. This could be because I left the white noise on load last night because I’ve been waked up with the torture device being loud but I think it’s been turned on and left on.

Update: 2pm

Couldn’t take it anymore. I am getting killed. Worked with this guy as best as I could. Something about Searchlight makes good people lose faith. I hope thats not true but its bad now. Some of the things that are being done.

• Attacking without code. I’ve been attacked a number of times just before I get to the door, open the refrigerator, just sitting here…
• Making things up. Not doing what he’s been told to do and just about thunking on my eardrum for everything. Any action I take is almost all the time being attacked.
• Repetitive thunks on same ear. Just working one ear all the time. 2pm on Tuesday and I can barely take it anymore (loud thunk there for deleting a word).
• When he does code wrong, and I tell him like “that’s not right” he’ll add to it.

I thought this person was decent, but I’m really beginning to wonder now. Is this Searchlights solution to cause a problem then cause more problems hoping it hides it? Just told people about Searchlight.

Enjoy!