It has been 8 days since I was in the normal group again. It is hard being around the gays a few of their thinking is very difficult to deal with. 8 days is too long. I’m not sure what happened but I waited as long as I could. On monday, I lost it and got mad. Things inevitably got worse because we are together for so long. I began thinking it was something I did but I haven’t done anything. Mostly just sit and relax most of the time. haven’ really said anything. today I open mail had a bad sensation about one but it was a risk I was willing totake, get back in the normal group again. But no luck. Looks like I lost a sponser and some bad, bad things are coming back.
I moved into this place and some of the things I didn’t think about until recently. But not a got a better drain for my tub and I’m loving it. The Foot Lok Stop Replacement Cartridge, oh Oh ohhh:
I probably should have left it in the box before taking this. But the old one is there. The old one for some reason only provide about from an 1/8 to a 1/16 of clearance which meant water would gather in the tub. I’m not one to regularly clean the tub so after a while a nice bit of of good accumulated. Here’s the new:
It’s nice. You can open it with your foot if you want to! It isn’t the push only and lock type. Rather, it has to be pushed on its sides where the names open and close are. It looks nice and it drains really good.
7.5 years. I got a talking to a work tonight and when my bosses talk to me they can get mad atme. I do my job hard but I get talked to a lot. I would like job advancement but i’m afraid, i’m not sure not I get i more now than i did 7.5 years back. People keep treating me worse and they think its gonna do more but the despondency it creates, the sense of hopelessness grows. People just get worse and worse and my ability to suceed just keeps failing. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on.
The last 23 and a 1/2 hours my head has been constantly shaking, very very bad at times. Apparently some massive change has happened and no one thought to tell me. But I’m still not sure. I was asked to work an extra 7 hour shift which if very very hard for me thinking that this would curry me favor, that it was required, that it would help. But honestly its gotten bad, read bad. I’ve had almost no motor-control in the last ~24 hours, haven’t been able to keep focus except in short bursts, and have been losing my temper. WHAT THE !@#$ IS going on? Does anyone wanna tell me? Am I going to be OK? It was so bad today I couldn’t even think enough to signal at most times. Whats going on? I thought there was a regulation, an overseer, now I feel abandoned. I’m really scared what might happen tonight.
When a person remodels there is always going to be trade-offs. I was told this by a US Representative once. It’s the importance of bargaining. When we trade especially with other people is absolutely essential to healthy living for the group. That is why I am incredibly disappointed by what I heard tonight when I talked to a customer at work about it. When she talked about more she was abstract. I’ve been in a great mode lately except for one occasion so this really got to me. I told her about this about my own remodeling and how I got mad at a bypasser who found me at the end of my run, exhausted. Too tired to remodel. After my run I had realized that I had left my place unlocked and if you read my priorpost you will have known why I got paranoid. He grilled me about his own business without notice of my own and I got mad at him. I felt trapped and insulted (which he did do). Well our remodeling bargaining ended today. I can be called anything. Get upset, I don’t blame you. I do. But please… be Honest about it. That Representative that gave me that advice, how I wish he were here now.
I had a break in on Tuesday. Really odd group. The only thing they did was contaminate the food and I ate it. I haven’t been feeling the best since. I apologize for any around me; please, forgive me I haven’t been feeling the best.
Last Thursday, my girlfriend was told she would be working only mornings; and I haven’t see her since. I miss her. She gave me a sandwich leaving the last time I saw her, and then I think of her. Then everything just gets noisy in my head (a premonition?) like I’m almost being told not to eat it. I don’t always have the happiest of thoughts .