Week 261

Wednesday 9:48am

Ha, I retaliated!

Viva, ppl before code!

Please guys, we need you.

Tuesday 5:26am

I don’t normally like to publish such things but I believe this deserves mention. I’ve been trying to go to sleep now (I’ve gotten six hours of sleep in the last four days) and a guy just started attacking my joints real bad. I know you guys like to take chances and I’m all for that but this had very little purpose involved in it at all. For these types of things I’m forced to retaliate. This is not done out of malice but is by the only means to me to be able to rectify a situation as best as I can.

Update2: Well, it’s been done. They took my family away from me.

Update: My bad…., nevermind

Went to the store just now and the teller asked me, “Anything else?”. I responded, “No, I’m good” and shortly after I was made to yell constantly for about 15 minutes. Nothing triggered this, I have not been rude to anybody, treated the teller nice, haven’t told anyone about Searchlight. I hope they didn’t take my family from me, they are trying so hard to help me. I just don’t get why they would do such a thing. I guess it’s because they can only see the benefit of the drug and not any further beyond that. The teller touched her ear after that. At first I thought she was one of the protectors and I smiled appreciatively. She curled and tightened and I bowed my head somewhere in mid-sentence and trailed the rest of the sentence. I even managed to get out, “Have a good day.” I took a peak as I was leaving and she came across unkept. I hope they haven’t taken my family from me. They are such good people that they don’t deserve to get hurt. Perhaps it is for the better though: three and a half days and a total of eight hours of sleep. Tried to sleep again last night (several times) and it was prevented. My father needs the rest, but this is bad, real bad, for everybody.

Week 260 (5 years)

Saturday 8:49am

Doing everything they can to prevent me from going to sleep. Slept like 4 hours in the last three days. Today isn’t possible. The bug on my balls the thunking goes up continually as I relax, and other things to prevent me from doing so

Tuesday 2:57am

Gotten about 14 hours of sleep the last 4 days, probably something like 24 the last 6.

Sunday

Been five years since that day since Searchlight began first initiation of me. Been rough at times but I can say that I’m enourmously proud of what I have done. What ever it takes so that I know that I can trust our fellow people to do the right thing (I know that for 98% of them I can), what ever it takes so that the people I respect are my leaders. I’ll do another five years if I have to and will enjoy it just as much.

Thanks to all the people that helped, again to good people.

Week 250

Thursday

My family is taken away from me… one day before Christmas. Last year at this same day was when the first bug was placed in my body. Probably should be surprised, not though. Just disappointed. What can you say?

Wednesday

They’re sleeping. The drug is a natural chemical that removes moral restrictions for the sake of physical regeneration. It has direct access to the reward center of the brain. If the drug is in the body is basically acts as an emergency mechanism in the body saying that, “Physical regeneration of the body is absolutely mandatory.” Basically what it does is that anytime you have an unpleasant thought, the reward center of the brain is stimulated. The greater the negative thought, the greater the reward. The degree to which the Searchlighters use the drug is that it not only completely represses thought but also massively OVER stimulates the brain. This creates a terrible dependence. The most addictive drug, by referral, that ever existed. The most heinous crimes, cruelties, hence become THE most stimulated. Such acts reward the body. They are not in the conscious. Subconsciously other people’s pleasures are diminished to ensure that their pleasures are foremost. Subconsciously they will do whatever is needed to be done to protect the body without restriction, bias, or thought.

Tuesday

Got attack, ‘Want batteries with that’, no more 5. Attack walking back from Walgreens about every two seconds, very badly, not easy to walk in snow .

Getting attack for general acts of effort. Had to shovel snow earlier, had me yelling for fifteen minutes, had to change a battery in the detector, same attack… only for effort, no code present.

Wednesday

Yelling as I walked past school, couldn’t help it. In front of kids… sucked. No reason, nothing has happened since I told three people I was being tortured on Sunday because they sent someone who is gay after me on my birthday.

Thunking turned on on balls as I go to sleep (usually automaticaly is) but very bad this time, very difficult to get to sleep… no reason.

Added 46… doesn’t make sense… no reason.

Thursday

Forcibly woken up after four hours sleep, very painful too, at 1:15am… no reason.d

I couldn’t take it anymore. It always get turned up sometime in the morning, then in mid-day sometime and them again at night (there are few exceptions). I dealt with it as long as I could. As the week went along the torture got worse and nothing had happened since the gay person was sent after me Sunday on my birthday. It’s a tough rule to learn but you can’t depend on people that do a drug, especially the world’s most powerful drug – they will always choose it over people. I want to make the world/society a better place, they want to control people to protect a drug and are hurting society in the process. So I responded… it does make me upset, however.

Sleep allowed:
Monday: 5 hours 45 minutes
Tuesday: 4 hours 15 minutes
Wednesday: 9 hours, thank you, I desperately needed it.
Thursday: 4 hours, got a nap in after that that helped.

Sunday

Almost Christmas, I hope it is a good one. Last year the day before Christmas was when they put the first bug in my body, hopefully this will be a better one.

Some of the crimes on humanity that happened last week:

1. No more than six hours of sleep for two weeks now (except two pure exhaustion ones last week). Waking me up absolutely at six hours, attacks increase every time I get closer to sleep. On Sunday through Wednesday, were attacking me during sleep and I was waking up physically exhausted. When the snow came, I could barely get the sidewalk done, and they hurt me good for that (presumably for ’snow’).
2. Attacks went up good at the top of every hour, not sure why. Lasted about twenty minutes.
3. Difficult to go to sleep every night, took about two hours every night (or more) because the thunking on the balls was difficult to take.
4. Attacks happen, then happen again because of: hard breathing, grunts, moving my head quickly afterword. Sometimes this would happen multiple times. On Monday happened once for 15+ minutes.
5. Pounding on heart and touching chest after I can’t take it anymore.
6. Yawning.
7. Getting me for a lot of things I’m not even reading; a lot of misses (a girl saying ‘dangit’ for example), door still, ladies saying 99…

Week 249

Got through last week. It was tough at times. They sent someone really new, but that person did a really good job so I’m real proud of him. Best of luck to you.

So of the main events that happened last week:

Thunking on heart during sleep (not Friday or Saturday)
Guys saying 92, girls saying 99
Going the bathroom
Torture device intensity being raised while I’m sleeping (so when I woke up attacks were more painful).
Looking at people.
Attacking when a car goes by.
Looking down
Moving my head after I’ve been hurt.
5 or 6 hours sleep except two days (Tuesday? and Saturday) – too painful to go back to sleep.
Deleting
Laughing
Being a seven seldom told I was, when I was it was very difficult to discern.
Many unknowns or false positives.

Week 248

Tuesday

12:52am

I have no idea what happened today, but early this morning very quickly it went to somewhat intolerable to as bad as it’s been. I was getting attacked for so many things it was unreal. It kept going up as the until I went to bed around 10am. I was a tv show before I go to bed but couldn’t get to sleep because the thunking on my balls was so bad for a couple hours. I was woken up screaming at 4pm and a good many of times until now the pain has been so bad it had me screaming.

I have no idea what happened. I hadn’t told anyone that I was being tortured since Saturday at 3am. I usually don’t get mad, and haven’t been mad for a long time. I was doing ok despite the pain and still semi-productive that (it is my only guess) someone on the drug saw and resented??? So the insane lesson that looks to be drawn is that: ‘Treat people bad – get rewarded; do good and be destroyed’.

Again, just disappointed in these guys. Be nice if any people that spy on my not be on the drug, so they could approach this with straight thinking.

Sunday

9:42am

I’ve taken it as long as I could. This is the worst thunking on the heart I’ve even gotten. Since 12:30am and amplified as time went on. The pain is enormous. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t done anything since I was woken up yesterday at 3pm very painfully. I am exhausted but there is even no way I can go to sleep right now.

4:41am

Last week was tough. I hardly told anyone I was being tortured and just got killed a lot. I treated everyone good, didn’t get mad at all, so I’m very proud of that.

Currently, the attacks go up a good deal when people aren’t on and the first 10 or 15 minutes can be tough to take. I’m relegated to leaving the TV on, it helps. I’ll do my best this week too to be careful about good people not getting hurt (always am, but will try to do better).

Some notes from week 247:

Sunday
11:20am – thunking on balls starts just about now, almost intolerable
4:40pm – gets turned up, no reason
4:50pm – thunking on heart a bit better, attacking knuckle joints now and very bad
5:17pm – pain in balls very bad, thunking on heart goes up.
Monday
1:50am – pain goes up considerable in joints
11:58am – thunking on balls too bad, can’t go back to sleeep.
1:49pm – called the 3’s now feeling it
2:00pm – gag reflex while drinking
4:50pm – pain goes up again
8pm – heart getting pounded on
9:45pm – heart getting it bad
11:50pm – gets turned up again
Just getting killed 15 minutes after 845pm<
Tuesday
11:06am – thunking on heart goes up considerably
8:30pm & 9:05pm – bad blast on balls
Wednesay
12:30pm – thunking goes way up
1:20pm – thunking on heart turned up again. Is even worse at peaks though less frequent than last night. Still will be difficult to deal with. The thunking is done before it reaches full expansion, making it feel like it's being pushed down again. Will go off double per beat. Some randomness thrown in for a third thunk. Three thunks, three different positions.
4:51am – thunking on balls begins
6:04am – getting hit for a good deal of four things: door (many times), debian, drink IV,
6:25am – thunking on heart goes up more
8:24am – pain real bad in joints
8:30am – attacks for just relaxing are becomine very prevalent.
10:07pm – pounding on heart is as bad it's been, starting to yell now from some of the attacks
Thursday
10am – 1pm – heart just pounded on over and over
6pm – 8:30pm – thunking on heart begins again, good, hardly said a word today, wished some people happy thanksgiving, was in good mood, weird
10:52pm – thunking on heart still real, haven't told people I've being torture for 59 hours

Week 247

Tuesday

12:40pm

Yesterday around this time, I went to the library to return a few things. They sent a gay after me to get me mad. Not other reason to do this, other than the lady handler of the guy to get a good laugh out of it. I flatly told the guy I wasn’t gay, and that they just did this get me me mad. He took it well, I approached it calmly and didn’t get mad. After that (when I returned) the attacking started pretty good. I’m not sure why, but I think it was because I didn’t get mad. It was already pretty good at the time but I took it. As the day went on it progressively got worse. I had a good day yesterday too and I wonder if that had something to do with it. I took it and took it, didn’t get mad once. When six or seven came around, it got bad fast. Not sure what caused it but by eight and nine o’clock, it became difficult to breathe with the thunking on my chest. By nine and ten it became difficult to function, didn’t get mad just kept going. For the most part until five or six am it got worse all the time. Didn’t get mad all the time. Began taking drugs to help with the pain, was taking shallow breathes all The thunking on my heart went down around 7 I think but then the pain on the balls increased by 10 and 11 the pain was having me curl over, froze for 10 to 15 seconds. Not one of these times did I get mad. The thing of it is: this was all for nothing. Nothing happened, not rude to anyone (only am when I am in a lot of pain do I get mad and I didn’t this time and all). Even more unbelievable, is that I haven’t even told anyone I’ve been tortured all week. I still can’t figure this out. I have no idea, but I guess on person had a bad day, or was so high on the drug he thought it was funny. I see this so many times where the pain will go up for no reason. I feel sorry for these guys. It’s like they are trapped somehow… I don’t know, I just feel sorry for them. Well, I took it and took it and took and now I’m defending myself. I feel that there is something wrong in it at times (I don’t want to see anyone offended if at all possible) but what else am I to do? Anyways, to whomever had a bad day, I hope it gets better .

To good people.

Week 246

These are my daily notes and are kinda boring. For those that like to learn more, read the ‘The Story‘.

Thursday

Gay sent after me.

Tuesday

10:03pm

Thunking on ball beating more frequently now, slightly less painful but the frequency almost makes up for it, the aggregate pain I’d say is actually worse. Pain in joints definitely more painful.

8:50pm

For the past 40 minutes the thunking on my balls started and is real bad too. During which I’ve yelled many times from it – still going on. Now thunking on the heart has been added. Wasn’t rude, took it real well despite the pain, didn’t get mad, talked rationally, calmly… I’ve seen this many times where it is ok to take ones’ personal anger out on someone else. That is all I can think of.

4:35pm

Torture device cranked way up. Thunking on balls in as bad as its been, then theirs pierces on the balls that have me screaming. I was watching a movie trailer that didn’t even have talk most of the time that had me screaming.

12:58pm

Thumping on heart is really bad.

12:07pm

A number of things are happening. I’d like to elaborate more but the thunking on my heart has gone up considerably just now.

single word extraction -
touching -
typing – last night II, thunking still, nvidia, deviant art, hul, ‘worse now, no reason’, bb, template-basic (these hypens are going both ways [i.e. as two words or a single word]),
saying – bye bye, not even code, what they’re talking about,
deleting -
laughing -
thumping in heart/esophogus getting me for touching chest – IIII
breathing -
Daze -
Didn’t read -
breathing – , after I’ve been hurt
unknown or nothing -
attacking before I say anything -
pop in jaw – II
I regularly put my hand up and rest my head by putting my hand to my jaw, lips and chin and will get immediately attacked for it. III
Sunday
3:50am – goes up as half-hour goes along, had me yelling a few times
4am – torture worse, didnt even speak a word
4:10am – thunking on balls turned on
4:21am – attacking then getting attacked for… grunting?????
4:20am – attacks change
4:44am – not given any chance to type a second word
3:55am – 4:20am – attacked twice three times for three actions
5:21am – Constant thunking on my balls cause me to grab them from time to time for which Ill also be attacked
etqw
5:28am – pretty much all attacks for the last hour and a half have been tough thunks to the balls
6:51am – getting attacked alot for things I don’t read
7:47am – many attacks on balls, more painful, all attacks more painful, more prevalent, a lot of random ones coming
11:05am – thunking on heart now, torture worse. Absolutely no reason, didn’t even talk the whole time.
Monday
6:20am – They hadn’t let me have much sleep the last couple days so when I went to sleep last night (5pm) I just hit the wall. Anytime I was in a half-sleep last night I’d get painful attacks in the balls over and over again. I was so physically beat I just went through it. This happened so many times I can’t count. Most of the time they are attacking when I relax, doesn’t really much have to do with code anymore. Thunking on heart this morning good, turning on gag reflex until I phycially cough (just did it 10 times just now).
6:27am – touched heart because of pounding, good pop in jaw.
8am – torture gets alot better during the 7:15am-7:45 half-hour. Now, torture on joints worse, didn’t say a word during previous period, attitude not bad… Thunking on heart still barely tolerable.
11am – took a walk and now my heart is being pounded on
11:14am – tens looked to have really turned it up
1:19pm – thunking on heart worse
2:11pm – thunking on heart worse now, no reason, pain overall worse now
2:46pm – all torture is causing me to yell now
Tuesday
5:20am – torture goes up, most hard thunks on the balls.
6:50am – getting attacked for alot of things I am not reading.
7:53am – torture gone
up, no reason
9:15am – attacks go up
10:03am – bad blast out of nowhere
10:14am – pain considerable more
11:15am – 11:45 – pain is worse, at 11:45am thunking on heart goes up considerably.

Sunday

3:45pm

I’ve taken it for 15 hours and during that time I can say that it fluxuated little if at all. Good behavior (minus one minor outbreak).

1pm

Been absolutely getting killed today, been tough to function all this time, with no let up on pressure. A lot of bad things going on.

Previous Week Report

Just a few of the things this week.

single word extraction – XVI
touching – keyboard IIII… more time than I can count, titlebar or Arachnophilia, delete, restore,
typing – akau, in trouble, as they, earthquake like thunk, full contraction II, you like, done so, full argument, opinion II, ntfsclone, -, full-time contributor,
saying – push the button, why done so, oh no, oh man,

deleting – III
laughing -
thumping in heart/esophogus getting me for touching chest – X
breathing – II
Daze -
Didn’t read -
breathing – , after I’ve been hurt
unknown or nothing – VII
attacking before I say anything -
12:20am – thumping on heart goes up
1:23pm – thunking on heart barely tolerable
4:41 – thunking on heart bad now
7:26pm – heart thunked on real bad for 10 minutes
Monday
7:20am – rolled over, woken up, sharp pain in balls, happened everytime I was close to getting back to sleep, pain increased the more I tried to go back to sleep, began yelling alot around 7:40.
7:55am – thunking on heart begins, bad, twice per contraction, tough to function
8:10am – constant thunking also begins on balls
10:08am – I usually smoke with my left arm and the last few days they’ve been popping the tendon as pull it up to take a drag.
10:58am – thunking on heart is worse
12:58am – thunking on heart now makes it difficult to breathe
3pm – sometime, somehow the five was taken away from me. Haven’t had the tv on, talked to anyone, been on the internet… How did this happen?
4:22pm – thumping on heart worse
7:35pm – pain in ear is enormous. Blasts are lasting like 7 seconds and it is difficult to do anything else while they are going on. Still holding my heart most of the time, like I’m trying to pin that bug in.
8:35pm – Pain in balls goes up
Tuesday
12:32am – two very bad pains in the top of the left eye
12:38am – very painful jaw pains
7:14pm – Thumping on heart goes up a great deal, no reason
7:42pm – torture goes up a good deal for no good reason
Wednesday
1:51am – had me yelling, not sure why
2:35am – thunking on heart turned up again, beginning to shake at times now, constantly pinning chest, no reason
4am – since like midnight the thunking on the heart has gone to like an earthquake like thunk, it tremors on every beat, very hard to take
1:52pm – thunking has gotten worse, more frequent, more intense. No reason. Two bugs in two different places going off on heart one just before the contraction, one just before contraction, one at full contraction.
2:35pm – two bad blasts in balls, no reason
4:01pm – gag reflex while eating, very dangerous, almost coughed and let food in lungs
4:35pm – very painful attack, thunking goes up
7:47pm – thunking worse
8:21pm – thunking alot worse
9:35pm – thunking on heart even worse
Thursday
1am – thunking on heart goes up
5am – Watching a movie, thunking on heart goes up a good deal, thunking on balls starts. Both go up more as I watch. As I go to sleep thunking on balls continues, takes me awhile to go to sleep.
1:45pm – went to store, a lady was sent after me. Felt good. Spoiled a bit by a guy being sent too. Nonetheless and overall good thing.
2:05pm – pain in balls worse today, no reason. Three attacks for one action: upper left pinky knuckle, right upper pinky knuckle, upper thumb knuckle. More directed attacks. Went to store and got a very painful attack on knuckle when I grabbed the pen. Typing now and getting all type of attacks on knuckles. Woken up today again at the exact same time: 12:45pm.
2:24pm – pains in joints considerable worse
5:35pm – most of the attacks now are making me yell
6:36pm – attacks go up again (even worse now), mostly bad thunks in the ball.
7:25pm – many attacks coming now on shoulder (very painful too), and thunk on right ball (also bad)
9:22pm – many powerful thunks on the balls now. In fact all attacks have been on the balls. Many just for actions I can’t even think of. Will take as long as I can.
10pm – Computer magically goes to sleep. Been working with howto (on a system level) put the computer to sleep, all the sudden it goes to sleep without any input from me the computer goes to sleep. I know a good deal about computers, this shouldn’t happen.
11:38pm – thunking on balls returns, pain on stabbing of balls increases.
Friday
12:51am – The group just come in, was nice to them. Now the thunking on the balls is continuous. Was nice to them, haven’t done anything.
1:54am – three times for one action
3:37am – thunking on balls continue and get increased greatly. Didn’t even talk during the 3am hour. Wouldn’t be able to take this very long.
4:38am – thunking on the balls has gone up again, shots to balls worse
6:52am – sharp stabbing pain on my penis begins
7:30am – grunting about every time I’m attacked now
9:50am – thunking on heart real bad
4:54pm – woken up after 5 or so hours of sleep, painfully. Not allowed to go to sleep again.
5:30pm – thunking on heart goes up
8:50pm – yelling a good time now, very painful blastes in the hand knuckles. Some things just not making any sense.
9:25pm – pounding on my heart has gone up signifigantly last 10 minutes, haven’t done anything
Saturday
10:35am – torture goes up a good deal. Was nice too… go figure.
7:45pm – woken up after five hours sleep again
9:09pm – getting it for 46 wordings. Computer made to freeze… hard.
10:37pm – settings go into effect immediately, and during?-

Week 245

Saturday

6:10am

At 3am the threes decided to do almost all attacks my thunking on the right ball. I have been doing one task for the last 4 hours and there were no words, no sound, nothing, even the things I was doing were not code. I was doing graphic design and that meant working with ‘nodes’ and ‘rectangles’ and it may sound odd but for almost 100% of the time those were the only two things I was working on. I must have got thunked on the right ball 400 or 500 times in the last three hours, possibly more. For the most part, I just focused and I can say I did get the job done. It’s not as good as I could have done without it, but I still think I did pretty good. I waited to now too because I thought it be a more direct response rather than to have a good class be forced to do something really illegal. I’m still here Searchlight, I did good too. I will defend myself when I have to. Please, take a break from your euphoria and try to get an honest opinion of what is going on.

Friday

11:35pm

Suddenly I started getting real bad pops in the jaw. Most other attacks had me yelling.

9:30pm

Thunking on the heart has gone up signifigantly in the last ten minutes. Started shaking. In the true Searchlight fashion, it got pushed up, pushed again, pushed to the point where it is not a good idea to go further, and then push a couple times after that until the person becomes enraged. And that is it, that is exactly what the drug likes them to see. No thanks my life being led by a drug.

6:05pm

Woken up after five hours of sleep. I tried everything I could to get back to sleep which ended up resulting in a lot of pain. This first hour has been real painful. Constant thunking on the heart and balls (the balls particularly bad – they hurt quite a bit now). I guess alot of people may ask why I’m defending myself – just concede to them and you can live you life… mostly. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. This drug leads them into their thinking, to a point where they are not even human anymore. In there mind you are either with them or against them, or you take the drug or you don’t. If they have you submissive, it will do for now. For two years, I took it to see if it would get better, if they could get better, but this drug so radically alters their brain chemistry… I’ve seen the effect of this drug, how it spreads, how it rules, it is our own brain chemistry, we all want to feel right. Essentially Searchlight is attacking all our minds. The discrepancy for right and wrong is narrowing, as is the great benefit of honest reward. I honestly have no idea how this is going to play out. I cannot say I do not fear for our culture, our humanity. But I love it, absolutel love it, and it is well worth defending.

7:39am

Since 6am I just been mauled. Very difficult to function the last hour and a half. At 6:30 I started getting the worst stabbing pains on my skin I ever have and they were on the tip of my penis. Thunking on the balls and heart have made it difficult to function. At 7:20am I was grunting on every attack.

4:45am

Thunking on balls gets turned up again as do the shots to the balls. Worse than an hour ago. Nothing has happened since 9:45(?) last night.

3:37am

Device gets cranked up. In some instances as bad as it’s been. No reason, didn’t even talk to the guys.

Thurday

9:34pm

Getting attack so many times now. Getting attack for alot of things that aren’t even code. I took it as long as I could. During the last half and hour there have been many painful attacks on my balls, most of them thunks that make me flinch.

7:30pm

Most attacks on should joint and right ball thunks. Both bad. Outside doing nothing got attacked many times.

2:45pm

I decided to give it a try yesterday to just sit back and see if things got better. Alot of times things will get worse without me even doing anything (treating people good, taking pain good, not telling anyone I’m being hurt). Alot of times yesterday though the torture device was turned up for no good reason without me having done anything again. The threes came on to today and just went crazy. Alot more to tell, will get back to that though as I think they might try to use them against me.

Wednesday

2:54am

At 2:30am the thunking on the heart increased to a point it’s barely torelable. Beginning to shake at times, have to pin my heart to my chest forcibly for any type of relief. Haven’t done anything.

Tuesday

7:50pm

During 7 to 7:30 the thunking on the heart went up dramatically and for no reason. Nothing has happened since early afternoon. Was good to the guy and everything. Now it’s difficult to function again.

Monday

10:48pm

At 8pm the thumping on the heart goes up a good deal. At 8:35 very painful pinches in the balls are common. Nothing has happened since early afternoon.

Now I am getting loud and painful clicks in the jaw, hasn’t been this bad in a couple months.

7:20am

lol, woken up at 7:20, needed more sleep, oh well. Tried to get back to sleep, painful attacks on balls, pain got worse the more I tried to. At 7:50 thunking on heart (two thunks per contraction) and alot of repetative thunking on the balls.

Looks like it worked Searchlight, whatever it was you were trying to accomplish. We never forget our common humanity, do we?

Sunday

10:50pm

Alot of attacks now, most don’t make any sense (taking a few steps, drape…) and all new sharp pains on the balls. Asked this guy to stop, slow down nicely, and just got hurt over and over again. Searchlight intimidation again, to make people do whatever they want them to do. Funny, I don’t think that they could ever do it.

7:37pm

Just played a video game and the thunking on the heart just went crazy. I discovered it directly related to my blood pressure and it’s definitely turned up. I noticed this too as I did yard work today. Well playing the game and after awhile the whole system froze. This should never happen and tells me that Searchlight is up to some real bad again. Either they found a way to hack my computer (possible – but remote), or they broke into here again.

1:31pm

Attacks go up, no reason. Yelled a couple of times, thunking on heart goes up making it very difficult to function. Very difficult to do yard work.

10am

Last night at midnight I began to get hurt real bad, I took it hoping it would subside. When I was going to bed last night as 3:15 I was intentionally woken up, and the thumping on the heart was turned on read bad, I couldn’t get to sleep for awhile.

I woke up this morning and the thumping on the heart was worse and the attacks on the balls were very very bad. Out of the blue, just like that. So I just asked for help. When I have a problem, I fix it, still amazes me that these things get done and there is no general consensus, or expert opinion, to fix the problem. It’s like they want to pretend it isn’t here. All the data they got but no matter what my actions are, behavior is, a so-called expert will come in and just turn up the torture device. Thought always coming across to me as being from Searchlight, “Intimidate, torture more, and you can have anything you want.”rr

Week 244

Saturday

What a week! Fighting terrorism is a tough job . Wonder who Searchlight is going to find whom they can intimidate the most. No matter, it feels good.

Many things made up this week. This is only a short list. For any that did good this week, I thankfully appreciate you help.

single word extraction – VIII
touching – keyboard III, earplugs II, discard,
drinking – I
typing – not, ten seconds, thinking too, xset, Here’s a, roman numeral I, Display PM, 15, yes II, thunking goes up, Gen2ly, using lcd,
saying -
deleting -
laughing -
thumping in heart/esophogus getting me for touching chest -VIII
breathing – II
Daze -
Didn’t read -
breathing – , after I’ve been hurt
unknown or nothing – VI
attacking before I say anything – VI
10:38am – thunking goes up again
8:27pm – thunking goes a little more before contraction on heart, more quick, sudden
3:14am – thunking on heart repreived for a few hours, starts again, probably just as bad, not sure why.
6:30am – attacks on balls go way up
8:15am – thunking goes up
Wed
1:22am – thunking goes up
1:33am – goes up more
3:07am – cursor has mysteriously moved twice now
8:39am – thunking on heart much worse than before eights come in
9:42am – thumping on heart is even worse not, twice per beat, than from an hour ago, haven’t doen anything.
2:37am – got a break on my heart, thank you. Now there are clicks on my heart that are nasty, quick and sudden
Thursday
9:23am – quick sudden knocks on heart, nothing has happened in (15?) hours.
9:25am – real bad blast in right ear
12:49pm – Three times for one action
Friday
1:27am – Thunking on heart turned up dramatically, no reason
5:47am – gone up again
6am – even worse
6:56am – very bad now
8:24am – gag refles causes automatically when breathing hard
3:50pm – thunking on heart goes up good again
Saturday
9:20a – thunking on heart worse started in about the last 20 minutes.
10:25a – thunking on heart is worse
1:19p – thunking on heart goes up real good at 1pm
7:01p – thunks on heart are quick and sudden, about 20% worse now
7:20p – thunks much worse now

/Friday

1:27am

Thunking on heart just gets ramped up, I took it as long as I could (it is now 1:51am). Just impossible to take.

Wednesday

6:47pm

During 6pm to 6:30 pm the thunkning on the heart got worse. I took it. I took it mildly, deferentially, didn’t react one. At 6:30 the thunks went up to an uncomfortable level and came a time after time and went up in pressure. I couldn’t take it anymore.

6:02am

I thought this was a good person, but after what I’ve seen last night, I’m not sure. I got hit for everything. I really went out of my way too to see if the situation could be aleiviated a bit. Didn’t have anything on for the first three hours I was up (maybe more?) then I turned on the radio and I just kept getting it. Been nice the whole time. Just got worse as time went on, been treating him good as I always do with the handlers so no understanding why I’ve been attacked so much for nothing. SL zombies are talking, “Torture device, fixes everything”. Worked so good the last two years .

1:07am

Got woken up very painfully, very little sleep, felt like about four hours (not sure). They are starting off the day like always, to get me down, doing unrelentless attacks first thing in the morning for alot of made up things. Being attacked before a second word can even be said or writtendn. The thunking on the heart has gone up bad at times but down again in an acceptable time and currently isn’t bad. Not going to respond because of this, but don’t trust it either . Usually my fault – I’ve been doing dum things lately like trusting people and in Searchlight this has always come back to bite me, honestly it’s generally a sign of me getting tired. Health: 80%.

strong>Tuesday

1:25pm

At around 10:30pm, I finally lost it. I hadn’t lost my temper like this in a long time. Even then it wasn’t real bad. I said a few things I regrett but I was still tempered though I know what I said hurt. After about a ten minute (on and off) harsh but controlled rant at the tens for being irresponsible (basically letting the threes do anything while they just watch and don’t participate or do anything for the public good) I took a break and I did apologize. This didn’t matter though as at 10:30 some real bad thunking began on my heart. 10 minutes into it I warned that I wouln’t be able to take it long. And it was no joke, I was very difficult to take. I took it for a half/hour, then an hour, then another two after that where I began to play a game (I needed anythign to take my focus off the pain) and just got killed. Not only did the thunking go up on the heart just for playing, but I got more thumps on the heart everytime I died (which I is very hard when I was being hurt so bad. I still played good, but lost it like I haven’t lost it in a long time. I wasn’t even capable of defending myself. It’s still on real bad now, but I cut loose, broke a chair, someone was here I would have done damage to them. I can’t take it any longer, it is that bad. For one mistake in two weeks, and the first time I lost my temper in a long time. Yeah, this is justice… no one takes as much pain as me and keeps such an even keel. There is no faith in you searchlight. You are terrorists, your are addicts, you cannot be trusted. Maybe I should think that way, the more pain I can deal, the more I can get. Yes??????

6:32am

Attacks on balls go way up, no reason why. Not good.

Monday

11:56pm

Told one person because of the below and the last 15 minutes have been getting me for just about anything I do. Weird.

8:30pm

Sent gay after me.

12:04pm

Rough night. They have been thunking on my heart bad now for 15 hours. I tried to take it, I really did. When the tens came on at ten it was turned down for a half hour, then also for the nines at 11. But went right back up both times. In fact, I think it may be even a little worse now. I have been crippled all night, barely being able to do anything, clutching at my heart almost the entire time. And you know what all this is for? Telling two people about the hundreds and hundreds of times I got attacked in the first few hours. This Searchlight group just looks like they’ve given up. Why not? Who needs rewards when a drug can replace them. Searchlight, if you can’t be responsible, I’ll do my best to try and see that you are.

Sunday

9:17pm

Oy, tough week last week. I’d like to thank everyone that made it better.

The new guy I’d thought I’d give a fair chance. Last Sunday, I woke up feeling rested (for some reason this rarely happens with me) and I let people know a few things I disagreed with and was semi-rebellious. This, in turn, led the top dogs to do something I’ve never seen before and the made people drop in all week long like they do on Sundays. I feel bad about this, not because I did anything wrong, but because it threw off alot of people’s need to do things and made things pretty tough for the handler (who I thought was a decent person). This week, I decided to keep low on Sunday. After absolutely being unable to take it anymore, I got up after thirteen hours in bed at 6pm. Without people being able to intimidate him directly related to me, I thought he’d be pretty composed when I woke up (I was also hoping he would be pretty resilient). Doesn’t look good so far though. I hope they didn’t keep him up and intimidate him all day. Whatever happened it doesn’t look good. During my sleep, I’d get woken up over and over again, one time so bad that I yelled real loud. The first hour I was up, I got hit probably 100 times in the first 20 minutes, possibly more. Many that I had no idea about. They almost seemed to be done in a timely fashion, with one coming in at least every ten seconds. I took a walk for an hour and would get attacked over and over again with no people talking around me or doing anything else. I told this guy about some of the odd attacks people have got me for in the past (drape, door…) and now not only am I getting attacked for them, but am getting attacked for them worse. I’ve talked and pleaded the whole three hours, been nice, took all the attacks well, but he seems to be just looking for ways to hurt me. I’m not sure if I sense real anger in this guy, only compliance. I believe this person is susceptible to belief in our elders and wanting to make people happy. Still getting attacked about every ten seconds (though the pain has gone down) most things i have no idea what he is thinking (he really seems to be just making things up every ten seconds so I’m thinking too he might not know the code that well and is making things up.) but so many times attacked, and the disjointedness of it, I had to defend myself.

Week 243

Saturday

In the past Searchlight hackers have done some relatively harmful things to my computer: deleted text from a couple files, effected performance of the computer (particularly during games), interupt movies I watch, stop webpages from being loaded, crash a program now and then… I’m pretty good at computers but they got some real pro’s in that were able to hack my computer at a hardware level. So the past three months, I’ve put alot (alot!) of time into building a computer that’s real good against attacks. I’ve put alot of time on it and am very proud of it. Up to a week and a half ago during the last month, I’ve been able to get work done, not be interupted… Well, a week and a half ago, I took a prolonged leave of the house and suddenly things began to go bad on my computer again… movies freezing, programs crashing, the computer crashing a few times. The only way they could have done this is if they had direct access to the computer. After they did this, I’ve experience crashes, permissions being changed, and my bash environment being hacked (it’s a computer thing but very important for what I do). I do good work to help people and I need a computer that behaves rationally. I spent a few hours trying to diagnose the above before I learned what was going on. So the past few days, I’ve been rebuilding everything from scratch. I meticuously went over all the files I need to keep and built everything one by one. Doing this left me without an opportunity to be able to defend myself the last few days. And during these three days not only was I attack bad but the attacks (for the most part) increased. Thunking on my heart would go up and down (for 30 minute gaps) all day long and on some occasions I don’t know how I tolerated it (thank god for copious amounts of tylenol). During Wednesday and Thursday (and part of Tuesday) I was repeated popped in the jaw (the device in my right jaw has the ability to nearly pop it out of the joint). This happened pretty much everytime I took a bite of food. It became very painful to eat. When I played a video game (that had very little text, people talking…) the thunking on the heart was increased dramatically, and got worse the more I needed to concentrate. By Thursday evening my jaw started to become stiff and talking and moving it would many times cause a pop. On Thursday afternoon, a gay guy was sent after me. When I watched a show or movie it was the same as playing the video game the thunking went up to a degree that it was pretty much impossible to be able to focus. And all this was for doing nothing, I didn’t do anything at the time. I didn’t tread the remote control guy rude at all, actually I think I treated him read good. I didn’t treat anyone bad…. Today though, with no choice I had to respond.

Tuesday

10:53pm – Just going to sleep watching a show and thunking on heart gets worse. Spent all day to get the hackers (them) out of my computer and they got back in again. No damage done this time just things to annoy me.

3:13am – thunking has been horrible for 5 hours, barely been able to function. Thunking has gone down now but for the last 20 minutes mosts have been pretty painful attacks on the balls and alot of times for things not even code. Just now the thunking has been turned up a degree again – micro-managers .

3:53am – been trying to talk and reason with this guy for the last two days. Maybe he’s just scared something awful. I hope so. Alot of times though Searchlight will grab a person for me that have been pushed down so long that they just want to push back. Angry at the world. They know I didn’t have a terrible week last week (relatively) and the probably looked good and hard to find a way to get me the most. Some of the attacks on the joints now are lasting 10 seconds. I’ll get attacked multiple times now for one action (sometimes four times). I counted 6 of them, but there were alot more. Like I said, I’ve been talking and pleading with this guy, but I’m not sure how much good it’s doing.

single word extraction – 10x
typing – k, rm src, huh, e, here,
touching – here,
many many more.

Monday

9:53pm – thunking on heart goes up
9:50pm – getting me for everything, slightest relaxation, breathing, before I can type another word. What am I to do?
5:14pm – twice now for one action

4:16pm – Went to the library just now and just got killed. I wasn’t talking, listening to music. Nobody around me was talking. I mean I just got absolutely destroyed. It’s real embarrassing to be in front of a whole bunch of people and get hurt like that. How can they do this to people?

Sunday

6:53pm – Dude just started going crazy on me, all attacks on the balls. I took it as long as I could. I hope this is a good person.

single word extraction – IIII
touching – ‘keyboard’, ‘Recent Changes’,
typing – ‘tests available’, ‘keyboard’, roman numeral ‘I’, ‘new posts’, ‘Enter’, ‘v abc’, ‘keypress’,
thumping in heart/esophogus getting me for touching chest – III
unknown or nothing – V

9:35am – thumping gone up again
1:21pm – thunking on heart goes down for 40 minutes, back up again
2:13pm – just started talking, didn’t even say anything yet
3:47pm – Torture device goes down for a half an hour and is back up again

9:27am – What a long week it was last week. I must have got about 30 hours sleep… I’m not sure. Bah. Anyways, got woken up again to be put on display. This is unacceptable . You’ve been served . o/