54 and device turned up

Got absolutely beat up on Sunday and Monday with me clamping everytime the device was turned on, stayed up 48 hours from the stress. By monday afternoon the ladies stepped in to help and it is alot better now except the torture device that stays on all the time has been turned up to barely tolerable levels, been up for an hour and beginning to shake – shredder little bit implemented. The wake up device also has been turned up. I felt bad after staying up for 48 hours that I needed sleep (think I was sick too) and got woken up about 5 to 6 times by it. Apparently Searchlight has the magical powers of knowing when I need sleep. Slept 24 hours, never done that before.

Update 4:34 Thursday

I’m just getting killed. I haven’t been feeling too good lately and Searchlight wouldn’t let me go to sleep again. I tried for a good hour or more and every time I get just about to sleep again there would be a noise, click or thunk that would wake me up. Got attack for a number of things:

Laughing
No code – on computer selecting new spot to write text, selecting a color when doing design work, touching nose, looking a different place, typing ~, the letter d, saying “that’s not right”, touching earplug, going to bathroom, and alot more.
Just reacting to what I’m saying, alot of time with no code there.
Making things up.

Not to be offensive but I wonder how old this guy is or if he has a mental deficiency. I think they put someone on me that really doesn’t understand right from wrong and is inescapable of code. So many things are being taken out of context. I think that SL deliberately passed this guy onto the ladies as a sort of punishment, wanting to help both, and trying to get them frustrated thinking that the problem is too big.

Took alot of pain, dealt with it pretty good

The constant torture device turned down today, the first sign of improvement in awhile. For whoever did this, I have a great deal of gratitude for you. Thank you.

How this week has gone:

On Wednesday night beginning at ten pm, everytime I went outside and smoked a cigarette I’d get a loud thunk in the ears every time I took a puff. I took the pain the first time outside, the next time my ears hurt so bad (at 10:30pm) every thunk had me yelling in pain so that the whole neighborhood could hear it. I feel bad about this, believe me I tried my best.

A couple kids were across the street and the gay one began taunting me, replying with a mocking yell. I looked at him and he diverted every time I did. The kids were out there all night and got taunted again by the gay guy the second time outside for every scream. I just took the pain the rest of the night and had to fight at every puff, but didn’t yell. ‘Dexter’ began to ask me questions on the fourth time outside up till now I’d taken it all, laughed it off. He said things like ‘hey red’, and ‘can I get a cigarette’. After a couple more remarks, I asked him “No offense but I just want to be left alone.” or something like that. Nothing rude but telling that I was on the edge of a breaking point. Of course he didn’t and asked a couple more proding questions. I ignored the first two but by the third one I exploded and began going after him. I told him to come here and he cowered into the house. One of the kids that lives in the house jumped out and defended him. I was almost mad enough to go through him. We yelled a bit and the whole conversation ended when I asked him why he defended him.

Not sure these kids were part of the Searchlight plan but I think they were.

Some of the things that have happened since:

• On Thursday the torture device was left on louder than on Tuesday and for no reason from anything on Wednesday.
• Got real bad thunks on the ears on Thursday and Friday and then (I guess) because my breathing was strained, I’d get hit again.
• Making things up. Not only is he doing the code that they tell him to attack for but he’s making things up as well. I have no possibility to be able to defend against it. Washing hands, going the bathroom, grabbing headphones, typing 0, refrigerator door, and on and on and on.
• The guy didn’t know all the code still and I got hurts dozens and dozens of time for the wrong code.
• Pushing the torture device as a response. A good number of times I’ll say something and no code will be there but get attacked because (I’m guessing) he just doesn’t want to hear it. Also getting attacked when I give him advice.
• This is actually from last week so it doesn’t go here, but they got a type of hand glue that is difficult to get off. Been trying to get it off for two weeks now using every chemical I can think of (detergent,gas,paint thinner,drano…). They put it on my electric-shaver in the bathroom.

I’ve been good to this guy. I’ve helped him out with alot of code and when he’s hurt me alot for the most part I’ve been able to hold it together. SL, I don’t feel responsible for this. I can’t be held responsible for your irresponsibility. And with little law to protect me and only getting by with the help of very very good people, I have to defend myself. You have a problem with me telling people that I’m getting hurt, you know how to fix it.

Progress Report

Last week, I got my parents help for a few days but they were pushed real hard and I got few up by it by Thursday. I told a few people about Searchlight and they got taken away from me and a gay handler was put in place again. Another of the same type: willing to push the button casually for a few days. Told people about it on Friday and then got through Saturday. On Sunday the torture device was significantly turned up so bad so that I was forced awake for 37 hours, I just woke up. The guys really pushed the handler who seems like a decent guy but they must have really pushed him hard. (not code not doing that). By the end of those 37 hours I was getting hurt for just about any action, many not even code-related.

I use earphones and play white noise all the time to help sooth my ears. On Sunday the instructors told the handler to attack me frequently and repetitively whenever I put these on. Whenever I had the earphones on it would be “thunk… thunk…. thunk” on the eardrums.

I think the handler is less frazzled now been trying to talk him down. Haven’t told anyone about Searchlight yet this week. This guy doesn’t actually seem interested in becoming disassociated.

Woke up this morning and my ears were ringing real bad. This could be because I left the white noise on load last night because I’ve been waked up with the torture device being loud but I think it’s been turned on and left on.

Update: 2pm

Couldn’t take it anymore. I am getting killed. Worked with this guy as best as I could. Something about Searchlight makes good people lose faith. I hope thats not true but its bad now. Some of the things that are being done.

• Attacking without code. I’ve been attacked a number of times just before I get to the door, open the refrigerator, just sitting here…
• Making things up. Not doing what he’s been told to do and just about thunking on my eardrum for everything. Any action I take is almost all the time being attacked.
• Repetitive thunks on same ear. Just working one ear all the time. 2pm on Tuesday and I can barely take it anymore (loud thunk there for deleting a word).
• When he does code wrong, and I tell him like “that’s not right” he’ll add to it.

I thought this person was decent, but I’m really beginning to wonder now. Is this Searchlights solution to cause a problem then cause more problems hoping it hides it? Just told people about Searchlight.

Enjoy!

Living Chaos

As time goes by the attacks are becoming more obscure. I can say that about 80%+ of the time I’m am not even sure what the handler is referring to. I get attacked for putting out a cigarette which is contrary to searchlight code.

This morning got woken up by a torture device that went up seven steps and had me shaking again (a torture that I haven’t felt for probably a good six months).

It started last night when I really needed to get something done and it became a bit frustrating then the attacks came relentlessly and I finally lost my cool. I feel bad but at the same time know that anyone pushed back far enough is going to fight back eventually.

Can’t even tell you how many times I got attacked today and I am not healthy. The slightest relaxation of breathing gets attacked. This is the we’re going to help but add some other way to attack that I’ve seen in Searchlight many times before. Until the unlawful are made responsible for their actions, I gotta keep living.

Update: Saturday 2:30pm

Got attack like 30 to 40 times when I was doing dishes. Ears not doing good. Do bad things…

Careless, Cowards, Creeps… Oh boy!

This is a post meant to be published on Sunday that got lost in the mix of things.

Careless is for how bad I got Thursday as I got thunked in the right ear time and time again and no one had the good sense to look in and see if that someone who was willing to sacrifice the good of the world for his own personal benefit was causing more bad than good.

Cowards is for how you treated me nice on Sunday and then turned on the torture device right as Monday rolled around.

Creeps is for waking me up with a torture device after five hours of sleep as loud as it has been for a long time, and for a unprovoked attack that took my Dad away from me on Father’s Day.

I didn’t know that my Dad was my handler until too late. The 8 last week was a gay guy (and like mentioned above) was willing to do anything to get his freedom back and again was someone that knew little right from wrong. When I saw 42, I jumped at the chance. I talked to him a bit on Fathers Day. They might have removed him because he wasn’t forceful enough on intimidating me during the call… It’s the only thing I can think of at this point as i didn’t even snarl, or have the tv on on Sunday.

The salvo launched on Saturday night was for the Careless, the beating I took on Thursday, horrendous. I held back because by Thursday night I knew I was being helped (didn’t know they were my parents till the Sunday call) and I didn’t want to get the people trying to help me hurt… thank you for your time and efforts, by Sunday I was almost healthy again. You took a terrible situation and made it alot better. And thank you mom and dad. I wish I knew.

Anyone that gets hurt will defend themselves. Why do this to me… it doesn’t make sense.

Hacked, and 4 time wakeup call

I found a program for my computer that I really like that tells me when new mail has arrived and I’m able to just click it and open my gmail, but I’m not going to be able to use it. Someone has hacked my system. I thought that there was a problem with the program at first and I filed a bug: http://www.kde-look.org/content/show.php/GX+Mail+Notify?content=99617 (check in the comments section) and the author was perplexed. Thought he had written a really great program and couldn’t figure out this odd behavior. The notifier was supposed to show me the number of new emails instead it was forcing searchlight code on me. I worked with it quite a bit before finally figuring (after a couple days) that I’d been hacked. Thanks for wasting all of our time. Wrote to the author and tried to clean up the mess as much as possible.

As mentioned, I only got 5 hours sleep yesterday and not much at all last week. So when I got to sleep last night, I knew I’d just need a good rest. After five hours the torture device came on. It was as loud as it’s been in 5-6 months, stayed on for a long time (20 minutes?) got woken up 3 more times by the device in the next 5 hours. I see their reasoning as such: “We’ll hurt people whenever we want to.”

Careless, Cowards, Creeps

Careless is for how bad I got Thursday as I got thunked in the right ear time and time again and no one had the good sense to look in and see if that someone who was willing to sacrifice the good of the world for his own personal benefit was causing more bad than good.

Cowards is for how you treated me nice on Sunday and then turned on the torture device right as Monday rolled around.

Creeps is for waking me up with a torture device after five hours of sleep as loud as it has been for a long time, and for a unprovoked attack that took my Dad away from me on Father’s Day.

I didn’t know that my Dad was my handler until too late. The 8 last week was a gay guy (and like mentioned above) was willing to do anything to get his freedom back and again was someone that knew little right from wrong. When I saw 42, I jumped at the chance. I talked to him a bit on Fathers Day. They might have removed him because he wasn’t forceful enough on intimidating me during the call… It’s the only thing I can think of at this point as i didn’t even snarl, or have the tv on on Sunday.

The salvo launched on Saturday night was for the Careless, the beating I took on Thursday, horrendous. I held back because by Thursday night I knew I was being helped (didn’t know they were my parents till the Sunday call) and I didn’t want to get the people trying to help me hurt… thank you for your time and efforts, by Sunday I was almost healthy again. You took a terrible situation and made it alot better. And thank you mom and dad. I wish I knew.

As Bad as Ever

The torture device isn’t louder now but it is ALOT more painful – my ear has never hurt this bad… This guy I feel really sorry for. I’ve talked to him and judged his reactions and he is complete incapable to understanding humanity. He is very reactionary and spiteful, only capable of doing what he’s told to do, lives in constant fear. Searchlight grabbed a guy looking for a desperate salvation, using him, threatening him, for their own self-serving purposes. I’ve been getting hurt for just about everything I touch, every time I take a drag of a cigarette, any minimal amount of breathing aberation, and alot of times for nothing at all. He keeps working on the same ear and my right ear is not doing good. I got to think that this guy must be in an incredible amount of pain. What he is going to have to go through in life to understand some semblance of it is at the time incomprehensible. How could they do this to someone? Most of the time I’d be mad (and I am) but, right now, I just can’t help feeling sorry for the dude. The kind of people that can do this tells me alot about Searchlight and their detachment. But don’t get me wrong, the same rule applies and I hope someday they can learn it: treat people bad, don’t expect good results. Always the right thing and I’m going right through the middle of it.

Complete Control and what it leads to

The voice of the people was effectively lost in June 2003 when the FCC voted to turn over control of communications to the corporations:

Now who controls communications is pretty much a mystery and could be a very small and discrete group, people, or person. What gets transfered, monitored, filtered on these lines is a complete guess, but I can tell you that it is happening.

What it leads too is a completely anonymous brand of justice that is completely incapable of scrutiny and very likely has little or no checks and balances:

One of the most true quotes I read at the time (though I dismissed it as being crazy) really struck me the second time I read it. From Puppet Masters by Robert Heinlein:

…the Old Mac replied, “Control the communications of a country and you control the country…”

Put on you happy faces and smile to the cameras everyone and it couldn’t-hurt to agree with everything they say.

Lots of Attacks, Same Old

Getting alot of attacks and they become more malice as time goes by. I put headphones on to protect my ears to a degree but they are instructing to just attack attack attack me when they are on. Torture device was very loud this morning.

Found another item with poisoning in it today, been having to take alot of pain medication to help with the pain. Again as my handler is a person that doesn’t understand right from wrong, is just doing exactly what they tell him to do. I cannot ignore such irresponsibility. If actions are just designed to hurt me what choice do i have but to defend myself?

Update 6am

Getting hurt alot, over and over again. The handler keeps doing a thunking in the left ear. The thunking for those that don’t know is a bug on the ear drum that drops a hammer creating a loud thunk. i can say that this has been over a hundred times on the same eardrum and it hurts bad. I’m forced to defend myself.

Update Monday 11pm

Looks like I’m a five again and I am am in just shock that they did this. Gotten woken up with a torture device that was loud – twice. The thunks are unbearable, as the torture. And I haven’t done anything. Not one thing! In fact, I took alot of abuse on Sunday when I took back a poisoned cigarette tobacco and got called gay a few times, lied to, and alot of hub-bub, and insults. Took it all, treated them good, and smiled the whole way through.

Update Tuesday 3:15am

Getting tortured real bad now. Haven’t done anything.

Update Tuesday 7:52am

Getting attacked all the time now. I’m guessing about 15 to 30 times every couple of minutes. Alot of thunks on my ears. My ear is hurting so bad now that every click is cause me to scream. Attack on breathing happens for the slightest relaxation, when I scream in pain I’m attacked again.

Update Wednesday 6:30am

Was attack alot for 3 straight hours early in the morning and my ears arn’t doing so good now. I’m wondering if the guy knows the code or is just pushing the button enough times to try and look like it. Alot of times I couldn’t make sense of it. Must have had that button pushed several hundred times in that three hours. Tried to talk good to him, told him “How you treat people is how you think others are going to treat you” and other encouraging thoughts. But he was ruthless. Got attacked for basic single letters and numbers and plenty out of context things. Really got attacked bad. Went outside a couple times and yelled a few times when I got hurt bad.

Sorry to anyone I woke up.

This is very very embarrassing at three in the morning.

Update Wed. 9pm

Drugged Again

Update Wed. 1:30pm

I became a 5 today! Thank-you ladies. You are so very very awesome. Just knowing people are out there that want to make this world a better place helps me very very much. Unfortunately this culture doesn’t seem to like people that are trying to do good. The torture device was turned up considerable when i became a five and had me-yelling a good couple dozen times the first couple hours. Also a couple-homesexuals were sent after me.

Got another guy that doesn’t understand right from wrong. Talked to him alot of times to get him to understand and it just gets me hurt. I try to tell him the right thing and how treating people good is a good thing but I think he must be too scared and without-morality is just doing it as often as he can to get his freedom back. Thanks again.

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